How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
