I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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