While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You took a bar mat shot.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
