guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
