This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
