I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
