and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
