I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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