She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
