I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
