Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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