yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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