My pussy is not your playground.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
