I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
