Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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