Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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