Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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