if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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