when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
no you cant smoke seaweed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
