You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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