i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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