i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
