Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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