Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
