took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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