when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
