she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
