When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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