just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
