Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
