I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
