yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
