got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
