Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
