So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
