My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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