I can't watch pbs sober anymore
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
