as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
