my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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