I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
