Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
