I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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