I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
