One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
