please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
