i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
