a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he thought i was a dude.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
