the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We have started to decorate penises.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
