I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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