3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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