You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i would punch a child for taco bell
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
