I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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