I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
