The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
